This Dilbert is a perfect explanation of the moronic security policies that Chase bank has for accessing your accounts.

I should be able to access my account through their website from anywhere in the world, anytime I want. But noooooo. They use a browser cookie to make sure you’re on a machine they’ve seen before. If you use a different machine, or a different browser on the same machine, or clear out your cookies in the browser you always use, you can’t login. You get a page explaining their stupid security policy and telling you that they have to send you a new authorization code. You have to get it via email or a text message to your cell phone, both of which are not always that convenient. Or you have to actually call them and talk to a human.

I have a credit card with Chase, but my regular banking stuff is with another bank, who makes it much easier to get to my account info. I really hate having to check anything to do with my Chase account.

This is one of my favorite videos. It’s two Australian guys making fun of late night religious programs. This is great stuff.

The bit about “the Hebrew word for ‘word’ is just too funny.” Stick around for the ending. It’s worth it.

I have a pretty good understanding of the Scots dialect, but I only picked up every fifth word or so in this video.

I love Dilbert, but some are better than others. This one is great.

I’ve worked in companies with managers who want status updates on status updates.

I’ve been a fan of the show 24 for a few years now. This video is hilarious.

… but it does.

Last night I dined at my absolute favorite restaurant, Lavender Asian Bistro, where I had my usual meal of Thai spring rolls and unbelievably good Szechuan beef. After the meal, I cracked open my fortune cookie to find this

which made me chuckle.

I’ve been a happy customer of DirecTV for about six years now. Even though my DirecTV Tivo knock-off DVR went completely pear-shaped on us and we had to replace it, I’m still a happy customer.

The phone rang last night, and the caller-id just said “800 Number”. I answered and was greeted by a recording of a chipper woman saying, “Hello! This is Diane calling from DirecTV. This is not a sales call. If you are responsible for making decisions about your DirecTV account, please press 1.” I figured it was a follow-up to my service call that had resulted in replacing my DVR, so I pressed 1. I don’t remember the exact wording of what came next, but here’s a paraphrase

You are currently on our “Do Not Call” list. From time to time, we would like to contact you with “special offers” from DirecTV, but since you are on our “Do Not Call” list, we can’t call you. Would you like to be removed from our “Do Not Call” list so we can call you about these offers? If you would like to be removed from our “Do Not Call” list, press 1, now.

I just hung up.

Do you believe that? They called to tell us that they can’t call us, and would we like to let them call us sometime? I don’t think so.

After I hung up, it occurred to me that I probably didn’t hear all of the recording. It probably ended like this

… If you would like to be removed from our “Do Not Call” list, press 1, now.
…pause…
…pause…
…pause…
…pause…
or you can just hang up to be removed from our “Do Not Call” list. If you really want to stay on our “Do Not Call” list, you must press 6-5-1-2-6-3-4-5-#-#-# now.

I was at Borders the other day, and I happened to see a book called Learn the Bible in 24 Hours. Yeah, I’m sure that’s possible.

Anyway, I was discussing it with my friend Fred and we started coming up with other funny “learn the Bible” book titles, such as

• The Bible for Dummies, Evangelical Edition: The Book of Romans, Throw the Rest Away
• The Jehovah’s Witness Edition: It’s All About John 1:1c
• The Mormon Edition: Read the Sequel
• The Catholic Edition: All Your Saint Are Belong To Us
• The Muslim Edition: The Bible, That Work of Fiction by Jews and Christians

I especially like the Catholic one, of course, that was one that I came up with…

If you don’t like things that mix religion and humor, then don’t watch the video below. If you do have a sense of humor, then press on. It’s hilarious.