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If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!

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From this story in the Washington Post on amusing, misleading and downright silly magazine articles from 2003, we find this:

… Playboy published an article titled “Superstars of Weird Sports,” which featured this helpful tip from James Pratt, three-time World Cow-Chip Throwing champion: “Here’s the secret to a good throw: Lick your fingers between the first and second throw. It’s good luck. A little doo on my tongue don’t bother me none. It’s just grass come around the long way.”

He must be married to the woman who worked at the Huddle House in Alpharetta, GA at 0300 one morning about 17 years ago who liked to lick her fingers between cutting slices of cake…

Today on the IRC channel #ruby-lang, after someone posted the URL to a piece of software that has this clause for its use

Please don’t use this program to make music that is against God and Jesus Christ (eg. HeavyMetal, NewAge,..etc..).

the following discussion ensued:

  [12:58]  if there's christian gangster rap, there has                    to be christian heavy metal  [12:58]  and it would not be opensource 5. No                    Discrimination Against Persons or Groups  [12:59]  curious that he singled out heavy metal and                    new age music as examples of "... against God and Jesus Christ".  [12:59]  I've heard some of that 'Christian Gangsta Rap'...                    I couldn't tell... (Of course I hate ALL rap...)  [12:59]  person2: i know examples of Christian heavy metal, but                    have never heard of Christian gangsta rap.  [12:59]  person2: i just heard of it because it is an mp3 tag genre  [12:59]  person2: there's some guy named T-Bone who is supposedly                    a Christian Snoop-Dogg.  [13:00]  person1: haha nice  [13:00]  joeyGibson: I am thinking of the common themes of                    gangsta rap and have trouble seeing how Mr. Bone  				  would reconcile them with my Christian beliefs ;)  [13:01]  maybe something like                    "bow down to jesus or I'll bust a cap in your ass"  [13:07]  person3: That's Great! I love that line! :-)  

Now that’s funny.

Gary Coleman read the Top 10 List on Letterman last night, which was entitled Top Ten Ways California Would Be Different If I, Gary Coleman, Had Been Elected Governor. Most of them weren’t very funny, but number 2 was great!

2. “I would form a task force to find out exactly what Willis was talking about”

Aye, today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day and methinks a celebratory tankard of grog is in order. Yo ho, yo ho, a Pirate’s Life for me! Arr, ye can just call me Cap’n Joey “I’ve Never Owned a Parrot” Gibson fer today, ye can. So raise yer glasses high and be sure to refer to your wife/girlfriend as your “buxom beauty” or, fer the really adventurous, “serving wench!” Aye, that’s more fun than pillaging a small island settlement, it is. Shiver me timbers and prepare to be boarded!

(Note: Yes, this was a pretty poor attempt. I’ve never really tried to talk like a Pirate before.)

The comedic geniuses over at The Onion have done a number on the new Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez film, Gigli. I actually got to this story from somewhere else and didn’t realize it was an Onion story at first. Given some of the descriptions of this film that I’ve heard by people who have seen it, the “audience reactions” in the story didn’t seem all that far-fetched. Then I figured it out. Go read it. But don’t drink anything while you are reading unless you want it on your monitor.

On the local radio station 96 Rock they are running a spot in which some chick from the “96 Rock Bod Squad” delivers this at the end of a “newscast”:

Well, it looks like we got Uday and Quasay. Hey Saddam! Ou’reyay extnay, ickheadday!

Juvenile, yes. But funny.

According to this story, there’s to be a new character in The Return of the King when it comes out in December. It’s Jar-Jaromir, half brother of Boromir and Faramir. According to the story:

The scene depicted in the trailer shows Jar-Jaromir shouting, “Gondora gonna fallsa”; he then trips over a corpse and knocks down a couple of Uruk-hai.

My favorite quote from the article is this:

[Peter] Jackson added, “I just love it when he shouts, ‘Yousa steala precious from meesa!'”

That’s what I’d like the next Harry Potter book to be titled. I can’t stand the fact that poor Harry has to keep going back to live with those horrible Dursleys at the end of each school year. I’ve only just finished the second book, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, so if he’s already killed and dismembered the Dursleys in one of the later books, could someone please let me know?

I got this from my fortune cookie tonight at the Mah Jong Chinese restaurant in Snellville:

Promote literacy. Buy a box of fortune cookies tonight.

Somewhat amusing…