In an effort to inform and entertain people about the spate of ridiculous lawsuits being filed by lard-asses against McDonald’s and other food makers for “making people fat”, a food industry group is launching a series of ads that mock the lawsuits. This Washington Times article has the details. Here’s a funny snippet:

The parodies start with “According to the latest study,” and continue with absurd claims such as “If you eat a wheelbarrow full of cheese fries each week, the cheese fries are to blame when people call you Big Daddy Largepants.”

Come on, folks! Take responsibility for the size of your ass! I’ve taken responsibility for mine! Join Weight Watchers, go on the Atkins Diet, get in The Zone. Just do something! It’s your fault that you are fat, not the people who make the food!

Last night David Letterman‘s Top 10 List was the “Top Ten Things The Iraqi Information Minister Has Admitted Since Being Captured”. My favorite was number 10:

Okay, Iraq didn’t win the war. It was a tie.

I almost sprayed Pepsi from my nose when I read that. It’s just like the Black Knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail who, after getting both arms and both legs hacked off by Arthur says to him:

All right. We’ll call it a draw.

Hilarious! And not too different from some of the absurdities that the “Information Minister” really said during the war!

This is a few months old, but I just rediscovered it and laughed by head off. It’s a “re-captioning” of the emergency icons from www.ready.gov; the site that The G has put up to tell folks what to do in the event of another terrorist attack. There’s some really funny stuff here. Read it. It’s funny.

I found this this morning. It’s a web page claiming there are spaceships hiding in interesting cloud formations. Good photos, but no ships visible…

From that, I ended up here. This is a “news story” claiming that President Bush has “ordered the murders of whistleblowers”. Yeah, right. Here’s a little snippet for your enjoyment

George Bush has ordered the Murders of Whistleblowers, therefore take necessary precautions, Watch your back. Intelligence sources have confirmed that there are Israeli Mossad Hit Teams in the United States to assassinate Whistleblower & former and current Intelligence operatives.

Hoo boy! That’s a good one. Mossad agents operating in the US under White House orders. Come on guys, pull the other one!

From the latest Scientific American, an article about bottled water and how it is or isn’t different from ordinary tap water. Here’s a sample:

The most telling taste test was conducted by the Showtime television series Penn & Teller: Bullshit! The hosts began with a blind comparison in which 75 percent of New Yorkers preferred city tap to bottled waters. They then went to the Left Coast and set up a hidden camera at a trendy southern California restaurant that featured a water sommelier who dispensed elegant water menus to the patrons. All bottles were filled out of the same hose in the back of the restaurant; nevertheless, Angelenos were willing to plunk down nearly $7 a bottle for L’eau Du Robinet (French for “faucet water”), Agua de Culo (Spanish for “ass water”) and Amazone (“filtered through the Brazilian rain forest’s natural filtration system”), declaring them all to be far superior to tap water. There’s no accounting for taste.

I have to have filtered water, and ice cold at that, but I don’t really care about bottled water or the labels on the bottles. I can’t stand that Dasani water from Coca Cola. They add minerals to it and I get a distinctly metallic taste when I drink it. I don’t usually buy it, but if you want water at Disney World, that’s the only thing available.

A friend just came up with this and I thought it was really funny. Since he has no website, here it is:

Newton’s Three Laws of Corporations

1. Any policy stays in place unless acted on by an outside force.
2. The force required to change a policy is the product of the number of managers and accountants in the corporation and can be mathematically expressed as F=ma.
3. Any action to change a policy will be met by an equal and opposite reaction to retain the policy.

On the Tonight Show last night Dennis Miller had the following to say about some of the alleged “peace” marchers:

“If you’re in a peace march and the guy next to you has a sign saying that ‘Bush is Hitler,’ forget the peace thing for a second and beat his ass.”

Now that’s funny!

This is an actual speed limit sign located at a park near my house. Does anyone else find this funny?

Does anyone else find this ad particulary amusing given that it appeared on /., the virtual nerve center of anti-Microsoft sentiment?

You’ve got to read this. It’s a journal entry by Penn Jillette of Penn & Teller (you know, the magician/comedians that do really gross illusions). Well, Penn (the tall one) had a bit of an experience when he flew back in November with out wonderful new Federal airport security screeners. Here’s a brief excerpt:

I say, “You mean videotape? Yeah, go get it.”

She says, “Well, it’ll take a long time, and you don’t want to miss your flight. We have no problem with you, you’re free to go.”

The cop says, “Your guy grabbed his crank. That ain’t right.”

The whole story is really funny and sad, all at the same time. I laughed. I cried. It moved me.